Clarence Wishes You a Very Mare-y Christmas and a Stable 2010

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the departed Phil Kessel.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Looch fight!”

As we prepare to enter 2010 and enjoy our last two years before the Mayans blow up the world (that’s my understanding…?), here’s a few holiday oats from Clarence’s trough…

This hilarious audio clip is from Steve Martin, Paul Simon and Billy Joel…..I’ll let Billy set the table:


“One night around Christmas 20 years ago, I was doing a recording session at A&R Studios in Hell’s Kitchen. We had just finished the session, and my producer and I decided to get some food. It was fairly late at night, and we ran into Paul Simon and Steve Martin at the restaurant. We had a little bit of wine, and then we had a little more wine. Nobody was feeling any pain. We got a brainstorm that we would go back to the studio and record a Christmas record. It must’ve been about midnight at this point. So we go back to the studio, and Paul Simon and I are singing in the background that Christmas carol ‘Silver Bells.’ We’re harmonizing, and Steve Martin starts into this soliloquy ‘What Christmas Means to Me,’ with these hysterical descriptions of the secretary sitting on the copying machine, all these very risqui scenarios. And Paul and I are just trying to keep it together. We did this maybe in one take and we had a Christmas single. Now, it was never given to a record company, but there’s a copy of it floating around somewhere. Stuff like that happens in New York. It’s a small town.”

Again, this link is ‘audio only’….no (known) video of this session exists:

Ben Folds has a great Christmas song, “Bizarre Christmas Incident”, that was part of 2002’s “Maybe This Christmas” compilation (highly recommended).  Here’s Ben doing a rare live performance of this future Christmas classic (thanks 2 ColdandComposed) just before Christmas 2005:

And this video deserves to be shown again…

Nine-year-old hockey player Oliver Wahlstrom scored this amazing goal for NESN’s mini-one-on-one back in October.   If the Bruins can’t manage to get Ilya Kovalchuk by the trading deadline, they should talk to this kid’s agent – hopefully Scott Boras hasn’t gotten him yet:

Speaking of young sports prodigies, here’s my nephew/godson from 1991 – still honing his golf skills:


And what would the Holidays be without a drunken celebrity karaoke star!  Kudos to the Calgary Flames Dion Phaneuf for doing “Piano Man” just like Billy Joel used to do it…..shit-faced.

Click on the picture to see the performance…..this picture probably looks like he did when he left the bar that night:

So to everyone, from Munich…..

….to Minnesota…



3 Responses to “Clarence Wishes You a Very Mare-y Christmas and a Stable 2010”

  1. FormerBruinsFan Says:

    Clarence, Nice blog. LIked the Steve Martin clip, “… sitting by the fire sipping eggnog and tequila…” Now that’s a good drink to get you ready for a Bruins’ game. With a double shot of tequila of course.

    Speaking of the B’s, not much mention in the blog. Are you afraid of mentioning their 2 game winning streak for fear of the Clarence Curse?
    Well, I’ll mention it for you. They lost 4 in a row, so just to get back to where they were 6 games ago, they need to sweep in the sunshine state. It really shouldn’t be difficult as both Fla teams are putrid, so anything less will be unnacceptable!

    Can we get the Raskmeister in these games? I don’t care what Thomas did last year, he stinks this year!

    How is the ditch Jack Edwards campaign coming? Can we get rid of the owners while where at it?

    Got a kick out of Phaneuf’s karaoke. That dude is one tuff hombre though.
    “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Looch fight!”
    as long as it’s not with Mee-on Dion!

    Are you getting royalties on Ben Folds album sales or what? His clips seem to pop up a lot!

    After watching the clip on young Michael, all I can say is, a pure, natural hockey swing if I ever saw one! As the godfather it was your duty to get him into hockey camp immediately! Then when fall came, onto a team and make sure he’s on time for the 4 AM games and practices. I know it would have been a bit of an inconvenience Clarence, but what do you think Earl Woods would have done! Greatness demands great effort!

    Nice that you threw in Chevy Chase. Christmas vacation is definitely in my top 5 xmas videos. Gotta go now, just finished watching the Chevy clip and suddenly developed a huge craving for melon!


    • clarencethehorse Says:

      Hey FBF – glad u enjoyed the Christmas posting…that Steve Martin soliloquy for Silver Bells was reminiscent of his now-classic SNL bit from 1991:

      I’m giving Jack a little break for the holidays….and I wish I DID get royalties from Ben Folds, as I had another clip today….but “Boxing” just fit so perfectly into today’s theme, and I love that version from Australia.
      I was with my nephew/godson over Christmas; he’s 21 now and was thrillled to find out I would be linking his video to my clarence blog. I played a hole like that last time I golfed….only I swore a little more.

      I hope you enjoyed your melons…..and I am not referring to Rosie…..

      We shall talk again soon, FBF!


  2. […] RMAC Wishes You a Very Mare-y Christmas and a Stable 2010 […]

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